The Lord Is My Portion

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.”  Lamentations 3:24.  This verse was brought to my attention one evening during a prayer time with God.  My initial reaction when I read the verse out was just a deep awe.  “He knows us so well,” I thought, “how does He bring me to specific verses that speak so much to me.”  The verse that follows is “The Lord is good to those who wait on Him, to the soul who seeks him.”  I had such comfort that God was going to reveal to me what it is that He has in mind for me soon.  I had been praying for almost the past year what it is that God wants for me for next year.  I had ideas of what I wanted, but I was never sure.  Things got complicated when I realized that all the work I put into my real estate and a lot of the work I put into my masters program would be lost by the time I get back because it would be too much time that passed.  That put a damper on the comfort I was feeling about returning at first.  So because of that realization, for the past six months or so, I have been wrestling with what to do almost daily.  I was beginning to get quite frustrated that I was not getting a clear direction at all.  Deep down, I knew what my heart wanted, but my head was not lining up with that.  When I had that prayer time the other day, things started falling into place for me. 

So, why was I getting excited by those verses?  Why did I begin to feel peace about things?  To answer that, I need to examine what it means to have the Lord as our portion?  Well, as I always say, I am not someone who is able to dissect meanings of things well, but I can tell you what it means to me personally.  The Lord is my portion.  He is EVERYTHING that I could ever want or need.  What I have in Him and from Him is better than anything that is from this world.  Anything that I could possibly ever receive or achieve here on this Earth is only temporary.  What I have in God is forever.  What I have in God is a constant companion through the Holy Spirit.  I have a Savior who gave His life for me to be able to be with him and have that constant companion.  I have an AMAZING Father who loves me for me, no matter what I do.  Nothing I do could make Him love me more and nothing I do could make Him love me less.  Therefore, I am able to rest in His presence and in His love that He has for me.  Whether I live a life in “missions” or a life in a “typical job” (which can also be missions but in a different way) He loves me the same.  So, the choice I make does not help or hinder his love for me.  For he loved us before we knew Him.  He loved me before I gave my life to Him.  He loved me and loves me with all of my garbage, with all of my filth, with all of my sin and my troubles.  “But God shows His love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  (Romans 5:8)  How Awesome is that. 

Yes, the Lord is my portion.  He provides for me everything I will ever need.  Anything that I have now, He provided for me already.  Really, what more could I ask for or want.  And it is not just material things that He will provide.  He provides encouragement, strength, direction, and so much more.  And because He is my portion, I am able to Hope in Him.  Anything else in this world that we could have hope in will only fail us, or fail us eventually.  When we put our hope in money, relationships, people, jobs, anything, we will end up getting hurt and whatever it is we put our hope in will fail us.  If it does not fail us in our lifetime on this earth, it will when we die.  Because only having hope in the Lord, and trusting in Christ will be sustaining to and through death. 

So, where did my encouragement come from?  It came straight from God Himself.  I know God was reminding me that He is in all things in life.  He is there with me at all times.  And He has what is best for me.  When I wait on Him, He will share with me the path to take.  And either path that I take will be good because He is my portion, He is my strength and I will not be afraid. 

Back in the States

Hey All,

Sorry again for the lack of communication.  I did not have a computer while in Albania and Macedonia, so I was not able to update here.  Hopefully you were able to follow on the facebook group, if you have facebook.  If not, I am planning on posting a summary update of my time in Albania and Macedonia.  Until then, here is a mini blurb of my thoughts upon returning to the States.  Thank you all once again for your help, love, and support over these past nine months.
Becca

Life is really a confusing mess of decisions.  Each decision that you make leads to a domino effect of outcomes.  How do you really know when you are making the right decision, or is it even possible to know you are making the right decision?  I am sitting here after a week of being home from a 9 month adventure with God more confused than ever before.  I have two paths that I can choose to walk down.  And both paths lead to very different outcomes.  One leads to a “normal” life in America, and the other leads to an unconventional life in England.  The life in America is the “smarter” more practical choice, while the life in England is one filled with crazy adventures of trusting God with everything.

Now if this were me last year at this time, and I was faced with the two options, well to be honest, I would obviously choose the England one, because that is exactly what I did last year at this time.  But, this time my decision to stay or to go has very different consequences.  So, if this were last year at this time, I would without hesitation, choose the America life.  I can finally work in my dream job, of real estate.  I can become that workaholic self that I tend to be, and throw everything that I have into my job.  It would truly be my dream.  And that opportunity to do so is right there within reach.  But what is holding me back?  What is keeping me from going after that?  It is after all, the wise, logical next step.  I do need a career.  I do need to make some money.  I am twenty-four after all.  Is it not time that I start “acting like an adult?” 

On the other hand, I have this amazing opportunity to head back to England and work with an organization whose core statement is “To know God and make Him known.”  I would be able to work openly with people whose main goal in life is to get to know Jesus better!  I could combine my love of working with people with being able to openly share about Jesus and all that He has to offer.  It is the perfect mix of my degree in Social Work with living a life dedicated to Jesus. (Not in any way saying that people who are social workers, working in the “conventional” working world are not living for Jesus.  I am simply stating that I can be 100% open with the people I am working with that I am indeed a Christian, and it is because of my relationship with God that I am able to face life head on.)  It is the perfect mix for me.  It may not be the perfect mix for others, but for me, it definitely is that perfect combination.

So why not?  Why am I not jumping on either AMAZING opportunity?  Well, after almost a year of living in a YWAM community where I had the opportunity to spend two hours each day in prayer and worship, I realized that it should be my number one to live for the Lord and for the Lord alone.  This means laying down my own initial thoughts of what I would like, and picking up His desires for me.  His desires for us are always our best option because He only has the best planned for us.  So, even if it goes against what you may want initially, it can only lead to good in the end.  With all of that being said, I do not want to jump on either option until I figure out which option is the one that God wants for me.  It may not even be either of those options.  So right now I am taking some time to pray about it to wait and see where He guides me. 

Choosing to run my life this way may seem extremely unconventional, and it may in fact seem irresponsible, but this is the way that I believe God calls us to live.  God called us to leave our old lives behind, put off the old and put on the new, (Eph 4:22-24) and to pick up our cross and to follow Him (Matt 16:24).  That may look different for each person, but He will let each of us know what that will look like in our own lives.  God does in fact speak to each one of us, so when we surrender our lives over to Him, He LOVES that and wants to direct us to the best possible life for us.  He will answer us and guide us to an answer.  It may not be an answer we are expecting or wanting, (Or it could be the EXACT answer we were wanting and hoping for) but it WILL definitely be the answer that has our best interests in mind.  So, I do not know if living life another two years with YWAM will be what God wants for me, or if it is staying in the States and getting a more conventional job will be the answer, but what I DO know is that whichever option He leads me to will be the best option for me.  

I will keep you all updated with whatever it is that I do choose.

Blessings